Wednesday, October 16, 2013

"You Don't Understand Yet"

Recently, someone asked if I was married. I replied, "No". Since this was someone I couldn't go into personal details with, I couldn't reply with my usual "No, but we've been dating almost 7 years, lived together 5 of those years" so I left it at that. To which the person tells me "you don't understand yet- you will when you get married".

Wait a minute. What don't I understand? It really got me thinking. Sure, we aren't married yet- I get that. There is a whole other level of commitment and I don't mean to devalue marriage in any way. But to assume I don't "understand it"? I'm not sure what that means. 

photo credit: Michael Maiatico

So, here's what I do understand.
I understand faithfulness and loyalty. 
I understand making my boyfriend a priority.
I understand the need for communication.
I understand compromise.
I understand caring for each other when one is sick.
I understand the balance of spending time together vs. spending time with others.
I understand the difficulties of managing several households on holidays.
I understand having inside jokes that no one else in the world would ever understand. 
I understand the desire to want to start a family with this person.
I understand wanting to be with this person for the rest of my life.
I understand being so mad at someone and loving them so much at the same time.
I understand what it's like to go through some of the most difficult times imaginable and have this person by my side, supporting me no matter what. I understand that I do the same for him.

I'm sure I (we) have a lot to learn. I know marriage will open up a whole new set of doors. 
But I would say that I think I understand pretty well.


  1. I love this so much! Me and T have been together for 6 years and people always have thoughts on getting married, being young, being old, and on and on. i always just try and enjoy life and eachother...

  2. I love this post. Andrew and I have been together for four and a half years, living together for a year. All our friends are starting to get engaged and now the pressure is on us. We don't see what the rush is though. Although I've never been told I don't "understand" (whatever that means), I've been asked a few times when I'm going to "catch up" with everyone else.

    I don't mean to devalue marriage either. It's important to us that, when we're ready (financially, settled in careers, etc.), we will get married. But until then, what difference does marriage make to our relationship? We will still be the same two people after we say "I do."

  3. I completely agree with you! Wes and I were together for 5 years when we got married and I got the same types of comments. 5 years is a long time, nevermind 7! It's a partnership either way! We felt the same loyalty and love for each other than as we do now. Although getting married did bring us even closer, it's like this feeling that we're eternally bound or something - I don't know how to describe it, that does not in any way denounce any of the faithfulness, communication, caring and overall love we had for each other prior to being married.

  4. I have no doubt that marriage will bring us even closer and I'm so excited for that next step! (when the time is right :) )

  5. I totally understand how you feel! The bulk of our relationship was through college and law school so we're just now experiencing "real life", both of us being in careers and moving into a house...the time definitely wasn't right then. We'll get there soon and am so glad we didn't rush into it before we were ready.

  6. Everyone has an opinion, for sure. You have to do what is right for you and your relationship! It's worked for us :)

  7. Love you! Pretty soon you WILL be married, can't wait!!!!! :)

  8. Wow some people have the nerve to even say something like that?! Who are they to judge you anyways. Everyone has a different way of going about life, and just because you don't have a piece of paper that states you are "married" doesn't mean you aren't committed and don't "understand."


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